his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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