I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
