Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
