You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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