At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
