This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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