My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
