I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Someone signed my nipple.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
