Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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