So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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