Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
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At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
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His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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