Cold hands, warm shart.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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