At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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