we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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