he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
