She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
