It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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