I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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