My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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