my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Send help, water and tortillas.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
