he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
