Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
