the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
