oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
