Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
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