So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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