we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
