You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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