I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Apparently you make a good broom.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
