Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm bleeding and have questions
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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