are you still at the devil's house?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
