i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
