I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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