What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
