i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
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I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
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There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
how does that bad decision feel?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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