Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
