You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
