you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
A bitchslap is in order.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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