What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
