And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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