I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
