I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
