from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
