Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
