when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
