You're my little dorito
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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