You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
