yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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