U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
