Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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