just come out here and I will go home with you...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
