Need sex. Gaining weight.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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