According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
