Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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