8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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