My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
