I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
