I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
