Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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