Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
