I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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