i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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