Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize