is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
