i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
