He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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