I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
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