Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
