reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
