those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
